Preface:

Writing is a hobby I picked up after one of the most influential professors I ever had took the time to cultivate my creativity, and teach the techniques to give my words structure, form, and purpose. He said I should post my writing online, so I did.

Consider this section of the site as a scenic detour from my professional side, and see it as a glimpse into my personal side. I welcome your feedback, and thank you for reading.


Eyes

By Gavin on Thu, 01/26/2012 - 00:00
Finding you took 23 years
yet you aren't found just yet.
I saw you in my bed last night
and this fills me with unrest.
Was it just a test
to see if I could care
about another one
released from all my fears?
And yet you're never here
and never were before
Only something in my visions
only someone I observed
You left me so transparent
Kaitlin saw the look in my eyes
I wanted to fight and hide it
society's pressing ties
yet hide it I did not
I was an open book for all to read
my palpable desire fired out
and somehow I achieved
amidst my transparency and weakness
to everything you were
and are, hopefully, out there
You're who I'm looking for
The shaking soft-lit image
dilating my dreamy eyes
so different from reality
or anything
I have seen
or felt or feeling
floated far beyond my ceiling
to stumble upon what it all means
The sacred vortex of your eyes
and the shimmer of your hair
this image I cannot shake
one sheer sight, I shed a tear
even for those who seem
to look similar to you
the profound feelings I felt last night
has me asking, "What to do?"
I have to find you
I've known that twice now
even if you have your own boss
not all is lost.
For in that same vision
amidst my vulnerability
amidst my obvious eyes
and your eyes so captivating
Icelandic like ones I've witnessed once before
tactically taking over every second I stared
the sunlight shimmer background shining
which back-lit your gold-blonde hair
and banished all fears and despair
and taught me how to care
especially when you said
you'd rather be no other place
than right here.

Lavazza Crema e Gusto Review

By Gavin on Sun, 01/22/2012 - 02:40
I broke down and bought something so I can make something other than instant coffee: a french press.
The french press I bought seems to do the job quite well, and I'll likely review it at a later point. The coffee is something I ordered with it, and it has really great reviews on Amazon. Generally speaking, when about 300 people average a 4.5 star review, you probably have a good product on your hands. I wish that were the case here.
Lavazza Crema e Gusto is one of the best-selling blends from the company. It is a ground coffee and comes in a sealed brick. The vacuum seal is pretty cool and is fairly standard with manufacturers who make a premium coffee. Lavazza's directions, bean composition, and a story about the company can be found on the flip-side of the package. This side of the package is where I discovered the reason for my trouble with this coffee; more on that later.
Every time I receive a package in the mail, whether I know it's coming or not, it's like Christmas for me. No, I don't drive to my dad's place just to reminisce by jumping on his bed. I do, however, keep a knife on me in case such a situation arises, allowing quick access to the goods inside. When I opened the coffee, it smelled decent and there was every indication this was going to hold up to it's 4.5/5 star review reputation.
The coffee is a fairly fine grind, designed for standard drip coffee makers. French presses need a uniform coarse grind, and this, I realize, is probably part of the reason my experience with this product is, without a doubt, less than stellar. To be fair, Lavazza's instructions on the back say you can use a french press without a problem. In any case, I loaded four tablespoons of ground coffee into the bottom of my press, added 12 ounces of 205 degree water - honoring the two tablespoons per six ounces of water ratio, and accounting for heat-loss to more closely hit the mark of 195 degrees - stirred a few times, capped the press, and let it brew for four minutes before plunging at a slow and steady pace.
The coffee smelled good, which, in a way, I wish it didn't. Everything else about this coffee was a disappointment. The mouth-feel of the coffee was watery, oily, and the strong sourness hits the back of your throat in a hurry. When the flavor isn't dominated by the overpowering sourness, it is instead bitter. Lavazza says there are sweet notes to this coffee. The only thing I can figure is it makes you appreciate just about any other coffee worth mentioning more than ever before, which, I suppose, is bitter-sweet. The other plus to this coffee is there isn't a strong aftertaste, so the barrage of awful in your mouth is at least a short one. Back to the smell: Initially it smells decent, but it quickly degrades, especially after you associate the smell of this nonsense with the fact that you wasted money on overrated terrible-tasting coffee from Italy. Another solid note is the fact that this coffee gives you one hell of a rush compared to most American coffees.
I remember when living in Spain, the coffee there packed a hell of a punch - unlike anything you can find here in the United States without adding guarana, ginseng, etc. When my friends and I went on a side-trip to Italy, the coffee there packed that same kind of punch. Mediterranean coffee apologizes to no one, and takes no prisoners in my experience. On top of that, the coffee you find in a truck stop is on par with most of the coffees you find in specialty cafes. The caffeine hit of Lavazza Crema e Gusto reminded me of my time there, which is definitely a good thing.
Back to the back of the package: The trouble with this coffee is what they make it from, and that's primarily robusto beans. When you dark roast robusto beans, you end up with a lot of bitter, burnt, and sour flavors. The composition for this coffee is 70% robusto and 30% arabica, and I realized this after the fact. If I would have done my homework and found this out before I bought the coffee, I would have never purchased it to begin with, even amidst the 4.5/5 star review on Amazon. I've known people who like blends comprised primarily of robusto - maybe that's most people. Then again, I know people who order their steaks well-done.
In any case, here's the overall breakdown of Lavazza Crema e Gusto:
  • Aroma: 2
  • Body: 0
  • Flavor: 0
  • Aftertaste: 2
  • KIF (kick in the face) Factor: 5
Verdict: 1.8/ 5 (36%)

Magick and Why Rituals Work

By Gavin on Sat, 01/07/2012 - 03:18
Magick rituals, while often grandiose, overdone, and very structured, are acts of divination which require only energy and intent, rather than specific sequences, to make changes. Energy flows through everything and is manipulated every day, and magick is a tool to add predictability and control to it. Intent is the driving force behind magick, and when coupled with strong beliefs, it can produce definitive results. The grandiose rituals which often accompany magick are not inherently powerful, but instead help the practitioner to strengthen their intent and beliefs, thereby yielding better results.
Countless people have tried to structurally define magick, and this is a flawed approach for the practice is always changing. Magick takes countless forms, and really only requires energy and intent to work. Magick actually happens every day, and is a normal process. People experience this process constantly, though few every notice it. The push for a sane and truth-based society has closed many off to this process, for it perceivably falls outside the now dominant doctrine of science.
Science is actually a form of magick. The scientific method has a question, a proposed answer, a testing of that answer through experimentation, and a result which comes from that experimentation. A scientist has the intent of finding the most probable answer to the question, and believes the scientific method is a way to find that answer. The details of the scientific approach can vary quite a bit, but the basic structures are there. Science is a subset of magick, and the doctrines are not mutually exclusive - though that is a whole topic (which I've written a paper on already) in and of itself.
Ideas outlined in popular works like "The Secret" are really just rebranded and repackaged magick principles, which have existed since our consciousness. The idea with the Law of Attraction is one controls their emotions and focus in order to control the energy they send to the universe. Once they believe they have already manifested the goals of their intent, the universe responds in kind and change happens. The structures for utilizing the Law of Attraction are the same as the ones for utilizing magick, and often mirror the ones used in prayer.
One could venture into explaining prayer at this point and linking it back to magick, but there is no need to do so. The definition of prayer is understood by nearly every person on Earth, for prayer has been practiced since the tribal origin of godlike forces. Prayer is essentially magick by a different name, although prayer has come to be a specific thing to certain belief systems, and therefore does not openly encompass as much as magick does. Prayer requires a ritual of sorts, which certain deities and rules, while magick does not.
Magick works because energy exists and can be manipulated consciously through strong intent and beliefs. The stronger one can make their beliefs and intentions, the more congruent their life will be with their ideals. Rituals are used in magick to shift one's conscious state such that their inhibitions and reservations are suppressed, thereby giving strength to their beliefs and intentions. The rituals themselves, whether they be science, the Law of Attraction, prayer, or something else, do not inherently matter. What truly matters is the self-control and awareness to shift one's consciousness into an altered state, allowing for incredible conviction to yield unwavering focus on one's intentions and beliefs. By mastering these principles, one can more effectively utilize the structures of magick for creating the reality they desire, with or without a specific ritual.

12:30 am

By Gavin on Wed, 12/14/2011 - 02:12
This solitude
keeps me sharp
powers my thoughts
drives my visions
and all of you
comes into me
and all of me
gets driven down
dark-side down
depression bound
yet only sound
can heal me
except for you
you and me
but nothing’s left
that I can see
for doing nothing
we both lose me
an entity forgotten
is all I’ll be
when everyone lives
and forgets about me
I’ll be set free
into self-destructive slavery
So solitude
What should it be?
Pain or pleasure?
Focus or torture?
I guess that depends
on whether or not
you stay with me
sadly
It’s how I feel now
at 12:30